Am I ashamed?

2 Timothy 1


So I started reading 2 Timothy this morning for my personal Bible study.  I've read it before, mostly while getting ready for a class or during worship at church, but I don't remember ever doing it as a personal study.
Anyway, of all the things that Paul talks about, the one thing that stood out to me was being ashamed.

"Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you." 

(2 Timothy 1:8-14 ESV)

After reading it, I went back and read it again, the first thing I noticed (and this was something I remembered from Bible College) is that Paul has no concept of good grammar.  Verses 8 thru the first part of 12 is one sentence.  That is one long run-on sentence. But that's not the point.  Reading this got me thinking, am I ashamed?  I don't go around talking about Jesus, God or the Bible throughout my normal day, but most people I work with know I'm a Christian, and that I attend Church regularly.  But, upon further examination, it occurs to me that there are several people that, while hanging out around them, I tend to be a little more quiet about my faith.  These tend to be the people I have more in common, and I realize that I come really close to denying my faith when I am around them.  I am ashamed that I am ashamed.

On a side note, I was listening to a sermon by Matt Chandler while working out this morning, and he said something that really hit home.  (I guess this isn't so much of a side note after all).  Basically, I am not passionately in love with my Savior.  Going thru the motions without passion is religion, in order to have a relationship I need to add kindling and ask God to ignite that passion.  Reading 1 Timothy this morning, that's kindling, praying, more kindling.  I need to ask God to ignite these things so that they become what they should be; they should be time I am spending with someone I love.

Fo rthe record, I have no idea what Iam doing here

I have long had the desire to write.  I have on occasion contemplated tackling something along the lines of writing a book.  Those dreams usually die after about two days as I get completely overwhelmed by my inability to "keep it simple stupid."  So, here I am trying my hand at blogging.  Don't worry, I have no delusions about being consistant or reliable, so this will most likely be the only one there ever will be.

As to the name of the blog, it comes from a song by the band Children 18:3, the song is "Wonder I."

Step into the window/ What about the sun?
Follow me outside/ When rain's are coming down?
I don't have the reasons/ Can we race the wind?
If we feel inclined

Wonder, wonder I
If I stood on your shoulders, could I touch the sky?
When will you die?
Where will you go?
Wonder, wonder I

Sister cast a shadow/ Brother tell me why
You're holding back the sun/ No! It can't be done
We're towering to these spiders/ But I feel so small
It's alright/ Is it ok?
It's ok, I feel small too

Wonder, wonder I
If I stood on your shoulders, could I touch the sky?
When will you die?
Where will you go?
Wonder, wonder I

You and I standing here throwing pebbles in the water
As they fall watch the circles growing farther and farther
To no end like Daddy said, they carry on into Forever

Wonder, wonder I
If I stood on your shoulders, could I touch the sky?
When will you die?
Where will you go?
Wonder, wonder I

What if we don't make it, wonder I
Hey look at me, we'll be just fine

I guess the overall idea behind this is that this is something I want my kids to read someday.  I want them to know that they can always count on me to be there for them. But regardless of what happens I want them to know that it's ok, I feel small too.